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Posted by: SmiTTy
« on: November 14, 2025, 08:03:41 am »Interesting to see this character here at EL. There are some issues with the bio that need to be corrected, and once they are, the character will be approved. Also, I’d advise checking the bio of this character for VU as well and making corrections over there so it can be approved. Anyway, let us get started!
Age – Not an issue, but I figured since Hitoshi was new here as a character to this genre, he wouldn’t be the same age as he is on VU. But I don’t know what his history reads like yet, but when I do, I’ll probably revisit it there. I dunno. My brain just figured he’d be either 19 or 21. @_@ My brain is weird.
Quote – The quote underneath the banner for your character, while not missing, you hadn’t put anything there that your character would say, or lyrics, or a quote that reflects Hitoshi as a character. Wanted to make sure you were aware of that.
Powers/Abilities – This is missing from the bio as it is part of the character template, even if your character doesn’t have powers. It’s supposed to be between Hobbies and Personality. So make sure to add that there, and if you’re not planning on giving Hitoshi powers, just put N/A.
Scent – I’d suggest adding a second scent along with Cinnamon Roll, just in case someone comes in and wants Cinnamon Roll as a scent as well. Granted, they won’t be able to have it as a singular scent, but Cinnamon anything seems to be a pretty common one that people like to give their characters. I’d suggest the secondary scent either be something else that is sweet, or there are the options of fruit scents, spiced scents, and nutty scents. But yeah, you can keep Cinnamon Roll, but a secondary scent is needed.
Place of Living - You state that he lives at the Red Fountain Apartments, but you don't state the apartment number. Please view the thread for the apartments that haven't been taken and choose an available one HERE.
History – There are issues with the history that are similar to the bio on VU for this character’s original bio, and corrections still need to be made to that one. But for this one, let’s first start off with there is no mention of Hitoshi’s parents and who they are outside of the throwaway line of religion, which feels like a strange read. I’d advise rewording that so it doesn’t make it seem like religion plays a bigger part in Hitoshi and his family, outside of it just being, as stated, a weird throwaway line. But yes, a little bit about Hitoshi’s family would be nice here. Who his parents are, how they met, their secondary genders, what they do, and if he has siblings. Despite the history having minimal information to where it implies he is an only child, but I don’t think that’s a question you want to be asked a lot outside of RP, if it can just be stated here, and players already know he has no siblings without having to ask you. It’ll just be their characters that don’t know the answer to this question.
Since this is a different universe, we do need to know if Hitoshi struggled with his secondary gender as he got older. If he did, how bad was it for him? It doesn’t seem like he physically went to school to be around other kids his age, based on how this reads, but if he did, please clarify that before the eventual transition to only doing his classes online and explaining why. If it ties into him presenting as an Omega, it would need to be in his history. His parents don’t seem like bad people, so I’d imagine they would help Hitoshi through his struggles with that, so adding a little bit of that in the history would help too. Which would tie into why they didn’t have internet in the beginning. That does need to be explained as to whether or not both parents couldn’t afford it until later, which would mean one, if not both of them, got promoted at their jobs to a higher position. So getting internet would be a luxury. It could be that Hitoshi really wanted to do schooling from home but had to endure physically attending school until either one or both of them got promoted to afford it. And the reason could be that he presents as an Omega, and it is a struggle for his body to adjust to it. It'd be helpful to know how Hitoshi feels about presenting as an Omega. If it doesn’t bother him much, cool, he adjusted well enough to move on and live his life; if not, and still has occasional struggles, that information needs to be here.
As long as being an Omega doesn’t affect him too heavily, there isn’t too much detail needed for that, since he wouldn’t be a Dominant Omega, which would mean his symptoms would be a lot worse for him without the proper medication to keep them under control. And there isn’t any resentment there about being an Omega either. Some do have it and others don’t, based on how the history is written, but a lot of details are missing about Hitoshi, which is why I’m presenting the suggestions and questions to you to fill in those plot holes. There’s also no explanation of how Hitoshi got into his current hobbies and profession. That is definitely missing and needs to be there. It doesn’t need to read as if he always had his interests and hobbies. Something or someone had to have piqued Hitoshi’s interest in it, and it would explain how and why he stuck with it. Also, putting in the age range in which these situations and things happen to him would establish a better understanding of how things fell into place for Hitoshi. I did mention I’d bring Hitoshi’s age up after reading his history, and now that I have, I feel that at most he’d be between 19 to 21 based on how you ended it. It sounds as if things fell into place for him, maybe within a year and a half span after graduating high school, so he’d either be 18 going on 19 or 20 going on 21. Somewhere in that age range. Not struggling, but definitely still independent at least.
So far, this is everything I feel that needs to be addressed. Once those corrections have been made, ping the staff role in the server to let the mods know, and one of them will check over your bio. XP
Age – Not an issue, but I figured since Hitoshi was new here as a character to this genre, he wouldn’t be the same age as he is on VU. But I don’t know what his history reads like yet, but when I do, I’ll probably revisit it there. I dunno. My brain just figured he’d be either 19 or 21. @_@ My brain is weird.
Quote – The quote underneath the banner for your character, while not missing, you hadn’t put anything there that your character would say, or lyrics, or a quote that reflects Hitoshi as a character. Wanted to make sure you were aware of that.
Powers/Abilities – This is missing from the bio as it is part of the character template, even if your character doesn’t have powers. It’s supposed to be between Hobbies and Personality. So make sure to add that there, and if you’re not planning on giving Hitoshi powers, just put N/A.
Scent – I’d suggest adding a second scent along with Cinnamon Roll, just in case someone comes in and wants Cinnamon Roll as a scent as well. Granted, they won’t be able to have it as a singular scent, but Cinnamon anything seems to be a pretty common one that people like to give their characters. I’d suggest the secondary scent either be something else that is sweet, or there are the options of fruit scents, spiced scents, and nutty scents. But yeah, you can keep Cinnamon Roll, but a secondary scent is needed.
Place of Living - You state that he lives at the Red Fountain Apartments, but you don't state the apartment number. Please view the thread for the apartments that haven't been taken and choose an available one HERE.
History – There are issues with the history that are similar to the bio on VU for this character’s original bio, and corrections still need to be made to that one. But for this one, let’s first start off with there is no mention of Hitoshi’s parents and who they are outside of the throwaway line of religion, which feels like a strange read. I’d advise rewording that so it doesn’t make it seem like religion plays a bigger part in Hitoshi and his family, outside of it just being, as stated, a weird throwaway line. But yes, a little bit about Hitoshi’s family would be nice here. Who his parents are, how they met, their secondary genders, what they do, and if he has siblings. Despite the history having minimal information to where it implies he is an only child, but I don’t think that’s a question you want to be asked a lot outside of RP, if it can just be stated here, and players already know he has no siblings without having to ask you. It’ll just be their characters that don’t know the answer to this question.
Since this is a different universe, we do need to know if Hitoshi struggled with his secondary gender as he got older. If he did, how bad was it for him? It doesn’t seem like he physically went to school to be around other kids his age, based on how this reads, but if he did, please clarify that before the eventual transition to only doing his classes online and explaining why. If it ties into him presenting as an Omega, it would need to be in his history. His parents don’t seem like bad people, so I’d imagine they would help Hitoshi through his struggles with that, so adding a little bit of that in the history would help too. Which would tie into why they didn’t have internet in the beginning. That does need to be explained as to whether or not both parents couldn’t afford it until later, which would mean one, if not both of them, got promoted at their jobs to a higher position. So getting internet would be a luxury. It could be that Hitoshi really wanted to do schooling from home but had to endure physically attending school until either one or both of them got promoted to afford it. And the reason could be that he presents as an Omega, and it is a struggle for his body to adjust to it. It'd be helpful to know how Hitoshi feels about presenting as an Omega. If it doesn’t bother him much, cool, he adjusted well enough to move on and live his life; if not, and still has occasional struggles, that information needs to be here.
As long as being an Omega doesn’t affect him too heavily, there isn’t too much detail needed for that, since he wouldn’t be a Dominant Omega, which would mean his symptoms would be a lot worse for him without the proper medication to keep them under control. And there isn’t any resentment there about being an Omega either. Some do have it and others don’t, based on how the history is written, but a lot of details are missing about Hitoshi, which is why I’m presenting the suggestions and questions to you to fill in those plot holes. There’s also no explanation of how Hitoshi got into his current hobbies and profession. That is definitely missing and needs to be there. It doesn’t need to read as if he always had his interests and hobbies. Something or someone had to have piqued Hitoshi’s interest in it, and it would explain how and why he stuck with it. Also, putting in the age range in which these situations and things happen to him would establish a better understanding of how things fell into place for Hitoshi. I did mention I’d bring Hitoshi’s age up after reading his history, and now that I have, I feel that at most he’d be between 19 to 21 based on how you ended it. It sounds as if things fell into place for him, maybe within a year and a half span after graduating high school, so he’d either be 18 going on 19 or 20 going on 21. Somewhere in that age range. Not struggling, but definitely still independent at least.
So far, this is everything I feel that needs to be addressed. Once those corrections have been made, ping the staff role in the server to let the mods know, and one of them will check over your bio. XP
