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Alphas-α / Re: Tsubasa Shidou [Alpha]
« on: December 25, 2023, 03:57:33 pm »
Just a few small set of tweaks
"Though he's been known for being a gifted person, he is exceptionally smart."
Most people usually associated giftedness with intelligence. Is this meant to be "Though he's known for being a gifted person he -isn't- exceptionally smart."? But the following sentences seem to indicate intelligence so might just tweak this sentence or drop it.
"He had a lot of self-confidence in himself as a person and an Alpha. So much so, that it was a sensitive topic for him." Paragraph seems to be indicating he had self confidence issues and now is better. Please adjust sentence to reflect the proper past tense lack of self confidence.
"He knew when to look professional and when to look casual and comfortable. Despite this, his parents still loved him and his older brother, unconditionally, even though they were gifted with two Alpha sons." This makes it sound like normal parents would be upset at their child knowing when to dress appropriately. Or was the despite in regards to something else? Also is there a reason they normally would be upset at having two Alpha's?
Otherwise the profile looks good to me. Just those small changes and should be all good.
"Though he's been known for being a gifted person, he is exceptionally smart."
Most people usually associated giftedness with intelligence. Is this meant to be "Though he's known for being a gifted person he -isn't- exceptionally smart."? But the following sentences seem to indicate intelligence so might just tweak this sentence or drop it.
"He had a lot of self-confidence in himself as a person and an Alpha. So much so, that it was a sensitive topic for him." Paragraph seems to be indicating he had self confidence issues and now is better. Please adjust sentence to reflect the proper past tense lack of self confidence.
"He knew when to look professional and when to look casual and comfortable. Despite this, his parents still loved him and his older brother, unconditionally, even though they were gifted with two Alpha sons." This makes it sound like normal parents would be upset at their child knowing when to dress appropriately. Or was the despite in regards to something else? Also is there a reason they normally would be upset at having two Alpha's?
Otherwise the profile looks good to me. Just those small changes and should be all good.


























