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Author Topic: welcome to my life (open)  (Read 31 times)

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Offline Haley Russell

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welcome to my life (open)
« on: July 04, 2022, 05:58:17 pm »
Kaoru was tired. Then again, he felt tired every day. Just waking up, going to class, then going to work, he did his homework and then went to sleep. This was his everyday routine. No longer did the young man know what it was like to have a sense of fun in his life anymore. Heh, that's assuming he always had fun to begin with. Given how he was treated by people in the past, he was now in a constant struggle in trying to connect with people. No longer that bubbly and happy young man he once was that enjoyed the hobbies he's always had. Kaoru was now this bitter, cynical, and crass person. He was no longer kind but very cruel and judgmental of people around him. And this was coming from him paying attention to everyone and everything that was happening around him. Whether he wanted to or not.

Every day felt like a constant reminder of something he once had and he felt envious and annoyed by seeing it displayed around him every single day. Couples. Whether just dating but not yet bonded or bonded pairs, they were everywhere. Almost as if they were rubbing it in his face that they were happy. How he loathed each and every single last one of them. Even if he did, there was nothing that he could do about it. He didn't like being reminded that he was worthless and not worth being loved by anyone. It made him feel like shit all the time. If only he wasn't on anxiety and anti-depressants then maybe he could drink all his problems away. Sadly, that was not the case. He couldn't help but wonder was the point of the medication he took. To prevent him from doing something further stupid outside of what their actual purpose was.

At least his medication had an intended purpose. Kaoru felt as if he didn't have one for himself. What was he here for? What was he even doing? Sure he was going to university now but it wasn't ... satisfying for him. It was depressing because everyone around him had the ability to let loose and have fun. Meanwhile, he couldn't do that. The idea of studying family development originally made him happy in the past. Now ... he hated it and he didn't even want to do it anymore. Going to class to learn everything about how to take care of a family ... what was the point of it all if he couldn't be genuinely loved by one. In the same way that Omegas could be loved. He didn't want to be an Omega but Kaoru didn't understand why he was always overlooked by Alphas who just only wanted to be with Omegas.

It's not as if they couldn't be with Betas too. He knew he couldn't get pregnant like an Omega but there was the option of adoption. But ... he wondered was that even enough. It didn't seem like it. Those lingering thoughts always floated around his mind every single day whether he was in his room at the inn or here on campus in class like he had to be today. He could never escape those thoughts. The only reason he was here today was his summer courses allowed him to not fall behind given that he wasn't very academically intelligent and would fall behind pretty easily due to not understanding the work. His therapist suggested he get a tutor but that was a giant no. Kaoru didn't want to be made to feel stupid by someone that wasn't academically challenged like himself. He just did everything on his own. It wasn't the best idea but it was his way of trying to be independent.

However, his professor today decided to make everyone feel really independent by giving them the experience of taking care of one of those fake babies that cry, and it can only be turned off with a key inserted in the back of it. He'd forgotten that this part of his major was eventually going to include this but he didn't think it'd be this soon. Most everyone was grouped together in pairs to take care of it with the exception of a small few who opted out of that for personal reasons. Kaoru didn't opt-out of it. More like who would even want to pretend to be paired with him to take care of a fake child for the next two weeks? That said, he was stuck on his own with the fake baby he was given, which was a girl. The thing was incredibly heavy and putting it into one of those on-the-go bassinets made it heavier. 'Great, this is my life for the next two weeks,' Kaoru thought sourly to himself once his class had ended as he carried the heavy infant baby with him.

Once out of the building, he was outside in the courtyard area of campus where the tables were located. Instead of sitting at one of them, he made his way towards the large tree in the back where he set the bassinet down on the ground and then sat beside it. He was even more depressed today. This would normally be something he'd look forward to because it's something he's always wanted but now ... now he had this feeling of indifference. It's supposed to be a nice feeling to take care of a child with a committed partner but Kaoru didn't have that. He was alone. And that depressed him more. This realization made him prop his legs up to his chest as he wrapped his arms around him and placed his head down atop his knees and began to softly cry. 'I hate this. I hate ... all of this! I hate my life and I ... hate myself ... How am I supposed to take care of a child feeling like this?' he thought as he silently cried.

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